God created the parent-child paradigm to serve as a basis for His relationship with His children, and that is a tangible touchstone for me. If I, as a parent, take care to give my children what they need - instead of what they want -- surely I can accept that God, my Father, treats me in the same way. And when I cannot accept that God does what's best for me, I am like the petulant child, throwing a tantrum after not getting her way. Yet luckily, unlike a parent, God's decisions are perfect, crafted in His infinite wisdom.
Certainly a far cry from the parent whose decision-making skills are largely culled from various books and life lessons. It affords me the certainty that God is doing the absolute very best thing -- not only for me, but for everyone involved.
One of the most precious treasures from God, which we don’t select by ourselves, is our parents. We get God’s blessings from them. However, they forgive us even when we break their hearts and help us to face challenges in the modern world. Respected judges parents and my dear friends. A warm good morning to you all. Everyone loves their father and mother. Don't you? There is.
A beautiful story is told about an observer who noticed a leaf fall from a tree. Curious, the observer began asking why the leaf had fallen. When he inquired of the leaf, he was directed to ask the tree, who instructed him to ask an angel. The angel carefully showed the persistent observer that under the fallen leaf lay a sleeping caterpillar. God, in His kindness, had sent down the leaf to shield the caterpillar from the sun while it slept.
God takes everything into account when He makes decisions since He is unlimited by the barriers of space-time, intelligence, and ability. Just as a child may never fully comprehend a parent's decisions, we might never fully understand the inherent wisdom in God's decisions.
Sometimes we become privy to seeing the silver lining of the cloud that God has sent us, but we often remain in the dark.
This is great!! Thanks for the great post! I forwarded it to my fellow weary parent friends. REAL parents who love their little ones and are struggling to teach them while still learning themselves. Every experience is an opportunity for growth. Thanks you, thank you…. But I had doubt and I cried and cried.
It's a difficult challenge when we cannot see the kindness underlying God's action. It is only by fully internalizing the immutable fact of God's absolute loving kindness and His unerring ability to meet the needs of every creature that we can come to terms with His decisions. He might not give us what we want -- because we don't really know what we want. Our vision is myopic; God's vision is infinite. We are the children who think the extra piece of candy is the greatest thing for us.
He is the Parent who knows it is not. We can liken the way God runs the universe to a tapestry. One side of the tapestry shows a rich, gorgeous picture, harmonious and well-integrated.
But when you turn the tapestry over, what does the underside look like? A messy snarl of knots, twisting and turning with seemingly no rhyme or reason. The underside of the tapestry is the chaotic picture that we see, with our limited vision. The true side of the picture is what God sees and knows.
His is the true reality. A friend of mine was describing her particularly hard day to me. The expression dates back to a story in the Talmud of a sage named Nachum, whose staunch faith in God led him to declare all of God's actions as being for the best. What my friend was saying, in effect, was that her challenging day was really for the best. It wasn't just optimistic lip service -- it put a new spin on things.
Instead of facing randomly dished out challenges and unpleasant mix-ups, my friend was acknowledging that God was giving her what she truly needed, what was best for her. So the next time we feel like throwing a tantrum, we can look, instead, towards our loving Father, and try to accept that His Will is for our best. His love and goodness forever guide us, as we navigate the intricate, wondrous tapestry of life. When you have children you can understand this much better, but we can never, ever understand it in it's fullness, for God is so high above us in all His greatness! If we can embrace all of life — life will embrace all of us.
Mechayil el Chayil! B"H while being a divorced mother of two now they are both married B"H , I alwasys thanked them on their birthdays and other days for their neshama's picking me to raise them. A child is small, but their soul and inner wisdom is young, we are given to them to raise the way HE wants, and they are given to us to re-learn things we may have forgotten.
Yes, we don't always know what we really need - only Hashem does. But sometimes, we're right- we really need something that we don't have YET. Hashem will give it to us but at the proper time and in the best way possible. Thank you for the wonderful article. I was just thinking about how hard it is to say no to your child. I have a two-year old boy and he is growing up without a father. I am trying to balance between spoiling him since now I am playing a role of both parents and giving him what I think is right for him.
Now that I read this article, it gave me a better understanding of what needs to be done. In the beginning of my divorce, I kept thinking why does G-d punishing me and my child?
I am a father of two girls ages 10 and 14 who live with their mother. I keep asking god to help me in directing my to do the right thing at the ritht time. Yes, he has shown me the direction at his own pace and at his own time. Not when we ask for them, but when we need them most. That all happens as an act of absolute justice and absolute kindness is not revealed in this world. I think that one needs to believe in the life of the soul beyond this world to accept that all is for the best. I wrestle to believe this but have so far been unable to see solid proof. I found this very comforting and reassuring.
Perhaps you can follow up with the role of Tefilla in this equation, since Hashem knows what is best, what should we ask for, what should we not ask for? Thank you, hatzlocho with your book. This was beautiful I was very inspired by your article. I thought it was moving. Thank you for that. There is no question that God knows what is best, and just as any parent can and does say no, so does God. However, it is hard to understand why God would say no to a crying mother of 5 whose husband is dying, or to a pleading mother and father and siblings who are begging for the life of their son and brother, or to the thousands of people who died 'al kiddush hashem'.
You are not a terrible parent. You are a REAL parent.
scenavrengue.tk God will honor your efforts. I am 53, I have children ages 13,12,9 and 3. I also have 3 step children 18,22 and Our 3 year old is adopted, he is technically our grandson,but for many reasons they asked us to raise him one reason is so they could see him grow up. May God continue to bless us all with a sense of humor and a loving heart. Each day is a new one. I thank God for that. Well you know. Thanks, How on earth did the last years of parents manage without all the info we have to day?
Love this. It is great advice. I know this considering my children are spread out over a few years.
I have one about to turn 15, 10, and baby girl just turned 4. I fully understand that they grow up too fast. I swear I blinked one time and my oldest went from newborn to I loved your blog. And I shared the link to this on my blog. Happening upon your blog was serendipitous! I so needed to hear your message today. Your words resonated with me making me both laugh and cry. Thank you so very much. Thanks Gina! So glad.
I always feel like if you laugh and cry in one sitting, it is a good thing! Thank you!